Today I want to touch the subject of criticism, both when we receive it as when.
Let us first by when we receive criticism. In general, nobody likes to receive them, do not feel well, because we all want to accept us and love us as we are and often it hurts to hear some things about us. First of all, I would accept that if we are doing something with our lives, and hopefully so, we will receive criticism. In this sense, is good, is a good sign. As Don Quixote said, "Let the dogs bark, Sancho, is a sign that we are making progress." If you want to avoid criticism, if you do not want criticism, do nothing, say nothing, do not be nothing. I hope none of you follow this last tip. Criticism is a gift, because on one hand we can be sure we are doing something important, something that others find worth criticizing, and because if we are able to receive it, we can grow and improve.
It depends on how we make the critical, sometimes it may be harder to receive than others. If it is a constructive criticism is much easier. I have received many very constructive criticism of you who listen and have helped me to improve podcast . These are things that maybe I never could have been improved, if no one had given me the work of criticism, and so I'm very grateful.
But not all criticism are made in a spirit of collaboration. And even when they are, they are sometimes difficult to accept. To take advantage of them need to restrain the impulse to justify, to give and to seek explanations for what we are criticizing, it is important to try to understand the point of view of someone else. First accept as valid, accepting the other person sees something we're not seeing that even though many times it may seem incredible that our first tendency is to dismiss your opinion and say it's wrong, accept that we may be we're not seeing what others see. If we fall in tentanción to justify or explain what it is that we are criticizing, we lose an opportunity to grow and improve. Moreover, that person may never again make a critical, if you realize that we're not open to receive and that our loss is greater. It is therefore important to always thank who is giving us feedback , smile, say that we greatly appreciate your help (really) and do not hesitate to give you more feedback if appropriate. Maybe at first will cost a bit, but if so, do not give up because eventually your appreciation will be more and deeper because you're going to see how much they serve you well-intentioned criticism.
Finally, it is not advisable to go to the other side and blindly believe all the criticism that we do, it may be that what we are saying really does not have foundation, or also can be a malicious comment. In the first case, it is important to thank the other person, and if you really look after your comment think that has no basis, just what we missed. If a malicious comment, although difficult, I recommend you do not engage with that vibe. Not worth it.
Now for the other side of the coin. Make critical. This will seem a bit contradictory given the above I said about receiving them, and they were a gift. But when it comes to them, the truth is I do not recommend much. There are other better ways to accomplish what we seek, if this is to change the behavior of another person. The only objective that it is critical desahogarnos meet ourselves, but for the other person, especially if not well-received, not the best way to get feedback .
There is a very good book that I love to recommend, is called " How to Win Friends and Influence People "by Dale Carnegie. It's an old book was first published in 1936, but despite his name is not, I find it a bit odd, gives valuable advice to improve relations with other people. In this book, he talks about the criticism and says: "Criticism is futile because it puts the person you're criticizing the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it hurts the person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. "
Think of the times you have received criticism and has attempted to justify, to explain the why of what you criticize. And the times when you felt hurt your pride, and inlcuso you were born in resentment. Since we can not control others make us critical, given that in the background are an important source of feedback and information about ourselves is that we must learn to receive and take out the best of it. But the truth is that there are much more efficient and careful to give feedback and change people's behaviors. I insist that the only purpose served without fail criticism is the relief of making it, even to the person doing it feel a certain superiority.
The same Dale Carnegie book mentioned, and is a well known fact today, so I do not think this will surprise that "a animal is rewarded for good behavior will learn much faster and retain what they learn much more effectively than an animal that is punished for bad behavior. When we fail to criticize lasting change, and often motivate resentment. "
Positive reinforcement has proven to be a much more effective than punishment to change behavior, not only in animals but in ourselves. Sure many of you have found, consciously or unconsciously, with their children, with partner, with employees at work, and surely we've all been on the other side of this positive reinforcement. What motivates you more, instance, claim your partner as you arrive home late, or when you arrive early you get happy, tell you how much I'm glad you're early, you prepare something delicious.
Which of the two options does that give you more eager to arrive early next time? Probably the latter. If your boss criticizes you only when you do something wrong, more motivated, gives you fear, right? But if instead of criticizing when you do something wrong, or in addition to that, I praised, and more over in front of other people when do something good, you motivate more the latter? Most likely, yes.
The next time you want to reinforce positive behavior or a negative change, consider this, think that if you make a criticism, most likely is that a person is justified, feel misunderstood and back, you find out whether or not you criticize you, that behavior will continue and you've planted a seed of resentment in that person. Try it with positive reinforcement and see what results you get. I'm sure they will also be much better and everyone will be happier.
I remember the lines of communication: mail larutadelavida @ gmail.com , blog larutadelavidapodcast.blogspot.com or twitter.com / larutadelavida
Now I say goodbye, cuidense much critical eye with a hug and a nice trip!
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