Today's topic is something that for me has been one of the most important lessons of my adult life. And every day I keep learning and practicing. Listening is a complex skill is not easy, it's not really listen to hear it. It's something we have to practice to master.
hear is inevitable, heard one of our senses, in contrast to the view that if we close our eyes suspend, we can not close our ears . We can not stop listening . But listening is an act totally different, which is based on hearing, but that process requires the highest level, requires that we involve our conscience, that we direct our attention to what we are hearing, whether a noise, sound, music or a person speaking.
on listening, in a slightly more sophisticated layer is still to interpret what we hear, which requires even greater involvement, as we incorporate other factors into the equation, such as pitch, speed, volume and even information from other senses, especially sight. Henceforth, for simplicity, we refer to "listen" to the latter two processes, listen and interpret, as they are closely related and we want to develop.
For example, we can hear what sounds like a voice, we hear that someone is saying, "Hi, my name is Alejandra and I am the new supervisor, and according to the volume, tone, speed, and many other factors often unconscious We can understand if Alejandra is happy, nervous, quiet, anxious, if dominant, relaxed, and so on.
The importance of listening is that it is the only way of connecting with others, communicate effectively, being able to empathize, to learn, grow, collaborate, build and interact in build trust. And also that we listen to us.
But how to know if we are good listeners? I think the best thing we can do to answer this question is to look ourselves in the act of listening. You get distracted easily? When you're listening to a class, lecture, this podcast, a movie, you think that one word makes you fly to another completely different topic? Flying, I remember the first time I flew was 10 years old, was a long trip, 3 hours and traveling alone. I said goodbye at the airport to my parents, my mother hid a tear behind his sunglasses, sun! Can not wait to go to beach, how long I will not? mmmhh 3 weeks, not 4! Or is it 5? mmmmhhh. . Sand, sun, sea ... sorry, where were we? Something similar happens to you, and when you realize you've lost 5, 10 minutes of class or conference? That is a sign that you are hard of hearing, that having problems concentrating.
And during a conversation, they focused on the issue, but while the other person is talking, you're thinking what you're going to say next? You are not aware of what the other person is saying, but you're waiting your turn, and mentally preparing your next speech. That, it goes without saying, but not talk, it's just taking turns. Worse than this, stop! This shows that not only were not listening but also not even respect the other person.
A podcast very good I hear is called " The Look and Sound of Leadership "Tom does Henschel and once every two weeks (obviously in English), I recommend it to anyone who is interested in, as Tom himself says," be perceived in the work the way we want to be perceived. "
time ago he did an episode about effective communication and although its orientation was specifically to communication at work, I rescued a lot of things that can be applied in everyday life. As an example, 7 things a good "listener" does:
1) Stop
2) Complete the sentences of the speaker
3) Match what the other person says ("Oh, I happened something very similar, mine was when I was ...")
4) Give your ideas before hearing the other person
5) Judging the other person
6) Try to find solutions too soon
7) Answer calls or accept interruptions during the conversation (especially if it was agreed in advance)
The idea is that we observe in our interactions with others and to detect which of these things are bad habits we have. The first step is to be aware that we have and then be phased out gradually.
In addition, Tom also gives a list of 23 things a good "listener" If it does, but I'm going to choose only 10 here, which seemed the most important
1) To investigate, ask for clarification
2) Listen to the emotions that are not expressed verbally
3) Empathy
4) Take the caller seriously, do not lower the profile (Do not say, "you should not worry about it")
5) Identify hidden assumptions
6) Allow the other person "is relieved"
7) Ask for more details, make the person deeper into their explanation and let the party tell the story your way
8) Do not allow interruptions
9) ask how the caller wishes to be helped
10) Looking at the interlocutor in the eyes
This is the link to the website of The Look and Sound of Leadership. I know that may seem too overwhelming to have this many issues that need to take care when listening, but with practice and with patience is not that difficult. Once the habit is formed and becomes almost transparent.
Anyway, if I were to summarize what are the keys for me to listen, to me were these 3:
- Be fully present in conversation: pause means any other thing I've been thinking, and if we are distracted during the conversation quickly return to this, no deal or the past or the future, only the present moment.
- Focus on the speaker and the topic you are talking: no self, what I say to look smart, how you solved the problem the other person, as I do everything fast fix.
- Paraphrase, ask and ask for details: check constantly with the other to make sure that we understood well, ask for clarification when we are not sure if we understood it and ask for details if we find that we lack information.
Well, we reached the end of this episode, I hope you liked it and stay with the task of improving their listening skills.
I remember the lines of communication: mail Larutadelavida@gmail.com , blog www.larutadelavida.com or twitter.com / larutadelavida
Music this podcast called sunshine and is kevin mcleod.
Now I say goodbye, cuidense much, embrace and bon voyage!
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